i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
