Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i think i just lost a toe
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
