I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
