Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
