Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
