Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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