youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
