life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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