somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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