Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
