Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
