her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
