honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
