I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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