I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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