guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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