Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
