It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
