grandma shit on top of the toilet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
