My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
