I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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