I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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