he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
