What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
