How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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