If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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