Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
