i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
