he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
