So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
