Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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