I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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