I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
