After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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