I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
