i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
