Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
