and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
