I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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