i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
