Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
