Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
