bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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