Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
