I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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