it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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