I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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