Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
