I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
