i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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