I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
