I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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