Is it because I queefed?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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